Friends Don't Let Friends Drink and Surf eBay

Last night was not even supposed to be a cocktail night. Ted and I take three nights off a week just to prove we can. But last night after I happily sent off a client project, I finished up the evening with a Perfect Manhattan (2 parts whiskey, 1/2 part sweet vermouth, 1/2 part dry vermouth, dash bitters) and some idle eBay browsing and I bought this:

I know, I know. It's just awful. I had threatened to buy one when we found the Red Ryder Air Rifle in the basement, but I was half joking. The full-size lamps sell for roughly two hundred bucks--too much to spend for a Christmastime joke. But when I found a seller on eBay who was selling a perfect-condition lamp in a damaged box for less than forty dollars, I had to do it. Call me weak. Maybe it was the general description, where it proudly proclaimed that unlike the competition, theirs features a butt cheek. How could I resist?